AnikaCamelle

GOODBYE 2017

I know you’re probably thinking “B****” where the HELL have you been?!? How can you just start AnikaCamelle.com, to disappear for over a month with nothing!! Well “TRUTH IS” 2017 has been one emotional b****, if it hasn’t been ONE thing, it’s definitely been ANOTHER!! It started out with me possibly changing MY last name to HIS... (sometimes YOU gotta FIGURE some s*** Out, in order for it to TRULY WORK Out!! Don’t worry I fill you in on the details later!) Bought “Opal Leigh” in March, 2017 Brand New she was an early Diva Day Gift to MySelf!! She's been HIT 3 GotD*** Times in less than 4 months, NONE of which have been MY FAULT! 1^st time it was a HIT and RUN back in August; some raggedy ghetto dirty looking heffas!!! 2^nd time some white meth head chick was so doped up the Friday after Thanksgiving, she didn’t realize there was a stop sign! Big Dummy!!!! (rolls eyes) That's alright I had “Opal Leigh” fixed, got her back on Wednesday 12/13 and then Bambi decides to run her a** in the middle of the street on Friday Night 12/15, Yeap 2 funky a** days later!!! I HATE DEERS and I was starting to regret getting that damn car!!!! Ughhhh!! (Insert Cuss Words) Then back in May I lost half my extra income because it was a government funded program (Working with Pregnant Black Women) and they needed to make “budgets cuts” so of course, the part timer got cut 1^st! (Deep Breath) Mind you my full time job is with a state agency (Very Grateful for My Job) but we all know how the state can be! But the kicker is I had someone resurface from MY PAST and It just f***ed up My Whole Mood, thought process was all off! I’ve kind of been in a funk, mild depression ever since! So all that shit I thought had to say, had me stuck on MUTE Honey!!  I bet you’re reading thinking to yourself B**** depression “Black People” especially “Black Women” aren’t allowed to get depressed, let society tell it! Well, like Hell YOU say WE don’t, I (WE) just make this s*** look easy! Or maybe I (and some of y ’all don’t post ALL our Business over the internet for LIKES) just take MY (our) Lickings and Keep on Ticking!! Look I told you in my last post my a** was scary!! So just vibe with ya girl real quick and maybe it’ll start to make a little bit of sense...

Telling Parts of My Truth

"Never in a million years did I think that this would’ve be MY Life

Contemplating going back & forth for YEARS with ni**a’s who Lord knows weren’t Right

But it’s like I couldn’t Give Up that FIGHT

Fight to Prove that MY Love for HIM, THEM, and IT would PREVAIL

Fight to Prove that MY Forgiveness for it ALL was REAL

Fight to Prove that People DO actually CHANGE

Fight to Prove that MAYBE this s*** NOT gon be the SAME

Same as the Last Time, THEY or HIM (depending on what situation I’m talking about) said it was the Last Time, before the Last Time, which finally I said f*** this shit n****, I’ve had ENOUGH this is the LAST Time!! (Sometimes You Just Get Tired)

Last time I let THEM lie to ME and not go with MY Womanly Intuition

Last time I let THEM hurt ME with No Consequences

Yeah I know I wasn't using MY Senses

But s*** when YOU TRULY LOVE someone do you think about the sense of LOVE for YOURSELF First??

NOPE just the Sense to Think that MAYBE they’ve FINALLY Gotten It

You know like maybe I lied for years and kept that SECRET because I was too scared to tell and didn’t want to hurt MY Family with the TRUTH

Yeah the sense to realize that He might actually be as good in person like he is on paper… but TRUTH IS that scared the s*** outta ME… Thought he was great with his words but sometimes they cut deeper than Angel’s Daddy… Who actually cheated, had a kid and I stayed (Hello Dumb Dumb) because I was still trying to PROVE that I could carry a baby too… Because one night after she died… 

HE said I COULDN’T and WOULDN’T EVER BE ABLE TO

But this n**** I mean these n****'s have finally Gotten It 

Or maybe

I GOT IT

Got the Courage to realize I'm Worth More than what I've Settled For

When I was 14 someone took MY virginity so I never really thought I was worth fighting for (that’s who resurfaced)

Ok so let ME break it down to YOU

For 18 years I was living in Fear…

Fear that if a man (or anyone) knew My WHOLE Truth, he'd (they’d) be afraid to really get near... (See how one can just carry that pain)

So I settled for what ANY Man that I thought was REAL would give ME... (He Exposed Me to Real, Now I Hate Lames)

Finally realizing I’ve been hurting MySelf for YEARS trying to PROVE MY WORTH and that I’m actually Worth Fighting For!!

So for the past few years, especially this year I’ve learned so much about My Peace of Mind and understanding that its ok if I don’t feel like settling for certain situations or relationships ANYMORE!

I say all this to say you never know what a person is truly dealing with or what they’ve been through! Sometimes when people are unhappy with their life because they put on for the TwitBookGram, they’ll make you feel bad about yours. Not realizing how hard you’ve fought to get where you are! So don’t let ANYONE come in and f*** with YOUR PEACE, or HAPPINESS!! (That’s the ONE thing YOU actually might have Control over! Most of the time!!)

Besides (Incorrect English) You Got To Play The Game How It Goes! Pressure makes Diamonds (that’s MY Birthstone) over here Not BUST Pipes B****!  So when one door closes 9 times outta 10 YOU won’t have to wait in the hallway too long before another one opens!!

So Don't SETTLE!!  Like I did for as LONG as I DID, because next time it might be too late!! I mean that is if you have FAITH?!? (Yes I cuss and believe in God too!! Rolls eye at you judging Me!!)

In 2018 I’m keeping My Foot on Insecurities Neck and I Ain’t Letting Up!!!

With all that being said, I’M BACK and I SILL HAVE MORE S*** TO SAY!!

I promise this time you won’t have to wait months, I just needed to reset, regroup, cuss a few folk out, while finally removing them from My LIFE Permanently!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR B*****s!!!!!!

XO Anika Camelle 💋